From: hans smedbol (kasi_visvanath@yahoo.com)
Date: Thu Dec 21 2000 - 00:23:42 PST
Message-ID: <20001221082342.17204.qmail@web10402.mail.yahoo.com> Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2000 00:23:42 -0800 (PST) From: hans smedbol <kasi_visvanath@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: Bala's welcome and request
Om Amrtesvaryai Namah!!
Namaste dear brothers and sisters!!!!
Bala has asked me to post my offerings to the
other Amma list a e-groups...to this group...it's
in the form of three letters...and one of them is
relating some of my amazing discoveries thru the
ancient sadhana of Jyotish (Vedic Astrology)
...discoveries which appear to show quite clearly
an "Astral" and Karmic connection between Amma
and Her children....i am just a student of
Jyotish tho', so it is possible that i may have
missed much in the comparisons of charts....read
on, if you are interested....the first one is
more of an introduction, as there had been a
request at that site for stories about how you
met Amma....
an introduction: i am visvanathan...a name Amma
gave me in spring of 96, at San Ramon, one of
the two times i've been "allowed" to make it all
the way down there to California from my home in
British Columbia, Canada. i met Amma first in
THIS life in June 95 at Fort Flagler State
Park, just a ways from Seattle...and Mother's
leelas have continued ever more obviously since
then...isn't it strange how once you've met
Her, that you can see the traces of Her cute
little fingers stirring up the pot of your life,
from the moment you were born... the first time i
met Mother, She avoided the path that had been
made down the middle of the hall, and wandered
thru the crowd of children on Her way up to the
stage, where She bowed in Pranam for a LONG
time....
Then She sat up, and saying Her usual
sweet, Husky, soft, "Shivane! Shivane!! Shivane!"
She waved Her hands around in Her peculiar but
delightful way....Then Amma started Her
talk...The first thing Swami Amritaswarupanandaji
said was: "Amma told me to tell you that everyone
in this hall tonight has been with Amma
before..." and continued on...
For most of the people there that was no
surprise...they already knew Her...but for me it
WAS a surprise, and led me to thinking about our
connections and how could i have been with Her
before, when i had never seen Her before in this
life????the past life theory immediately popped
into the mind....and that's where i've left
it...more about that in a later letter...
The way that Amma came into my life this
time, is interesting too...She's such an
artist!!! i had been a devotee of Paramahansa
Yoganandaji in the 80's, but had kind of lost it
for a while.. then in 1993 or 94, i became
again, for some reason, interested in the Divine
Mother...and reading again his book on "How to
Talk with God", i decided to follow his
instructions for once....he said to call Her,
and call Her with tearful eyes, and a loving
heart, never giving up, and knowing that if you
call long enough and with enough love, that
She will come....i had blown up a picture of
Divine Mother from that book...it's also in his
Autobiography...and coloured it, afterwards
placing it in a frame on an altar, and calling to
Her to reveal Herself, just has he had suggested,
thru this picture of Her....
Well, after quite a while of this, (when
finally She became convinced that i meant
business i suppose, or just tired of my
whining!!), She came!!!!first in the form of
Mother Meera, thru the book "Hidden Journey",
which really deepened my connection with the
Mother.... i particularly liked how She had no
rules...just offer everything you do to
Her....However, i had a little trouble with the
stories told in the book by Adilaksmi called "The
Mother", as i had little experience in the Hindu
Holy Person world...the stories seemed a little
farfetched...
so when i saw a copy of Linda Johnsen's
"Daughters of the Goddess" in February 95, i
ordered it....and started reading...with a full
heart and tearful ebook was Amma!!!the moment i
saw Her picture, Her Divine Love just flowed
over me and i burst into sobs, and tears of Love
and
Longing...i read the story and it WAS inspiring,
but Ms Johnsen spoke of Mother as kind of like a
"drill-sergeant" with Her close devotees...very
strict....so i was scared off, being one of the
original anarchistic types...
However when i went to a distant city
(Vancouver, BC) i saw Amma's "Awake Children"
books for sale (and others) in a spiritual
bookshop.....so i bought three or four
books....and started reading them....Ah what
nectar!!!....Amma's own words!!!!just like the
Gospel of Sri Ramakrsna, only She is alive
NOW...this was the fulfillment of a very deep
prayer and longing, ever since i had read the
Gospel...He was such an inspiration in showing
us how to Love the Mother Kali!!! such a sweet
and loving man!!! my Hero!!!!so to speak, and my
model, until i met Mother...now i see no
difference between them...so anyways i read these
delicious books, and only after a few pages of
the first one, i called down to the store,
ordering the rest to be shipped up by the
mail...and settled in for a delicious feast...
A couple of weeks later, as i and the
fellow with disabilities that i work with, went
into our office, my boss (of the time) came out
and told me: "Amma is coming to Seattle." (She
knew about my interest in Mother Meera, and
thought that's who she was referring me to, i
suppose)...anyways, i wasn't that
interested...too far, too expensive,too many
holier-than-thou folks all clad in white...and
then there's that "drill-sergeant"...gotta watch
out for Her!!!!
i told a couple friends about Her coming,
and they immediately insisted that they were
going and that i was coming whether i liked itor
not...i said i thought not....and we discussed it
furiously...they were strongly in favour....i
needed it they said....(this was strange because
they had never indicated any interest in
spirituality before, or in any of the Gurus, or
Mothers....or any of that...Mother was playing
with us!)
so still in a state of semi-refusal i
went home. Later in theevening i headed up to the
Puja room, where i sat in front of Meeramma's
image, and was inspired (despite my earlier
reluctance!)to ask Her: "Should i go to see the
Holy Mother, Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi?"
(very formal aren't i?)...
IMMEDIATELY behind my closed eyes
appeared Amma...standing there just like in one
of the first couple Awaken Children books where
She
was standing in front of an oceanic sunset...and
looking lovingly at me!!!Then She turned into
Light, shrank down to a point of light and
disappeared!!! Needless to say, i had my
answer!!!And now, whenever i thought of Seattle,
there was this big warm loving Sun down there
inviting us to come....and we did.
it's amazing how Amma puts these ideas
into your head that you should do something which
you've never intended doing, and then you do it,
and you are so glad you did!!!
i WASN'T going to ask Her if She was my
Guru, and in fact avoided the question for the
first year...(as well as a mantra...didn't want
one, cause that would mean commitment to the
drill-sergeant!)
However over the winter of Her absence,
the thought would always come up as to whether
She was or not....and what Her relationship with
Meeramma was...Then one day a friend at work
(who has since met Amma too!) suggested that i
might like "The Little Buddha"...i thought about
it...not that interested in Buddhism, but
ok...sure...and when i came home from a walk one
day, there was the video, sitting just inside my
door...and on TOP of it was a cassette tape of
Amma's Bhajans, with a picture of Her on it....i
immediately noticed that, and thought: "Amma
wants me to see this movie" and watched it....
Well the movie answered all my problems
perfectly....you know how in that movie, the
Tibetan monks are looking for the new
reincarnation of their beloved teacher (!)...and
they find first one in Seattle, then another in
Kathmandu, and a third in another part of
India....so there are three contenders for the
title....the lead monk doesn't quite know how to
solve this so he asks the State Oracle for the
Answer...Guess what it was....the
Teacher was incarnated in all THREE of the
children!!!..and so i saw that the Divine Mother
would have no trouble whatever incarnating in as
many bodies as She would think necessary to bring
us back Home to Her lap...Thus i Saw that Amma
and
Meeramma are really the SAME Divine Mother, but
merely different "expressions" or aspects of that
Mother...This really set my mind at ease, and i
started to realize that Meeramma was turning me
over to Her "sister", Amma, for further
training...
Still i wasn't into asking Amma any such
formal questions as to whether She is my Guru or
not, because of the implied commitment of the
Guru/Shishya relationship...and i know i'm just
TOO lazy for that!!!....So i managed to avoid
the question for a couple days at the next
retreat ...and then there i am in the middle
darshan line slowly coming up to Amma, when i am
"seized" with the unbearable need to know...and i
find myself (despite my earlier resolutions!!)
asking a neighbour in the line for a pencil and
another for paper (yes i know now that you're not
supposed to ask questions in the darshan line,
but i didn't know then!)...
so i get up to Amma and there i am,
totally nervous about asking this question,
because now i've got to know, and the answer is
suddenly extremely important--don't ask me why!!
i'm on tenterhooks as Swamiji
(Amritaswarupanandaji) reads Her the question:
"Is Amma my Guru?"
Amma on hearing the question (the
trickster!!!)burst out into gentle guffaws of
laughter...."Yes!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!!" was all She
said through the laughing...it was so
sweet...AND it was HER idea, i know that...She
made me ask Her, because She couldn't afford to
wait for me to decide eventually to go for
it...Amma has Her own
agenda...and so i asked...and She said, and
everything took off from there....
the next year, i offered Her a
beautiful basket tray of Hershey's kisses with
Three Mangoes in the middle (for the Three Gunas
and for Body Speech and Mind)....She had been
looking at them as i approached Her off and
on...you know how She'll cast a glance at you
when you're not looking, away...kind of like
that...but She was looking at this basket quite
often....and when i got up to offer it to Her,
what did She say?
"Guru Achara?" looking me straight in
the eyes..."Yes Amma" says i, even though i
don't have the least idea what i just agreed
to....i
knew it was important and that i should say
yes...don't know why, but i knew that....when i
asked for a translation of it i was told it
means "the things you do for your Guru"...the
customs associated with the Guru...and i was so
glad i had intuitively said yes...because that
was JUST how i had meant the offering....and Amma
had read my mind...or rather, She put the idea
in there in the first place just so She could
play some more.....
so....i will close for now, lest all of you
might have dropped off into profound slumber.....
In the Divine Mother's
Love, and in Her Service,
i humbly salute you all!!!
bowing again and again!!
and remaining
as ever,
Your Own Self,
visvanathan
Om Amrtesvaryai Namah!!
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